When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
