I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the day after is always just damage control
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
