Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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