I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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