So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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