We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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