And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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