Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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