I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
we should paint friendship bongs
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
