Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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