So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize