I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
