She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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