dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
