Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
