I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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