I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
