drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
