we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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