Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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