Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
