I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
