just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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