She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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