are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
where am i from again
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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