you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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