I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
