Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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