mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
