So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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