just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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