your parents love me but you hate me
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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