quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
