why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
