I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
