Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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