Im at strip club and am horny
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
