Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize