Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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