If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
