You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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