My sheets look like a crime scene.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
