I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
