I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
