why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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