I want to walk on stilts...naked
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
