Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
