And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
