I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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