he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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