i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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