She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
