my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
