Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
