Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
