Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
