thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
