take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
