How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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