you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
