My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
