after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize