Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
