Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
