I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
