Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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