You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
