Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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