North Korea, Best Korea!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
