9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
