I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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