Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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