How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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