shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
