I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
