He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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