You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
