I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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