So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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