it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize