It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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