he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
