I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
