turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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