mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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