Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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