I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
