i may or may not be watching the land before time
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
